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Clarifications on Trust [Nov. 30th, 2003|02:00 am]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

Regarding my previous entry:

I should probably have said that I can come across as “non-threatening”, which is a less stringent description than “trustworthy”.

And my startlement is at the fact that, given all the messages and common wisdom in today’s [USA] society ... she should have declined my invitation.

I’ve had similar conversations with a few other people, mostly women. W came out and stayed with me for a week, on the power of one meeting in person and a mutual acquaintance. D let me come out to visit, and share her bed (in the literal sense of the phrase), having only known me over IRC and phone. L shared stories of her going out, getting more than a little drunk, and in the morning not really remembering how she got home.

Maybe the world isn’t quite as scary as I think it is. Maybe my friends have all been lucky. I hope for the former, and I hope that the latter continues.

[User Picture]From: deliriumdreams
2003-11-30 06:47 am (UTC)
I donno... I always felt you were trustworthy....
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[User Picture]From: tkil
2003-12-01 11:21 pm (UTC)


Thanks for the compliment. :)

My worries are twofold (at least in this case; I can always find more, right?): first, am I [subconsciusly] broadcasting “trust me” vibes, even if I am not intrinsically trustworthy? Is anyone? And second, in this case, did I perhaps do a small bad thing in the sense that she might trust the next guy a bit more, and he might not live up to that trust? Yes, her life, but...

And yes, I worry too much. I think too much. At least there's something I’m good at. :)

On top of it all, I worry that my gentleness / trustworthiness / unselfishness is all tied into my poor self-image; if I suddenly did become confident, would I automatically become a self-centered bastard? Yes, it is a matter of balance ... but then there is the question: am I balancing well enough? :)

Heh. Thank god for alcohol, it at least turns down most of the noise.
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