Something else that disturbs me is that, in many ways,
I seem to have fallen for what the popular media sells
as “attractive”. There are some ways that
I don't completely agree with the party line, but
I worry that my overall tastes are distorted. Where
they aren't distorted, I worry that they're perverse.
I'm a little wary of the palliative
“everyone is beautiful”. There is more
than a grain of truth to that statement, but anything
that general risks diluting the metric being considered.
In a similar way, I don't buy the argument
“everyone is the best person they can be”
self-esteem booster: if just being unique is the filter,
then everyone gets it, and we're back to a [relative]
neutral point. As such, it's a moot point.
In what I call my “window-shopping criteria”
ha ha only serious
way), I tend to notice the short, petite, long-haired
brunettes with open faces, engaging smiles, and lively
One problem with this set of criteria, of course, is
that I have to eliminate the younger-than-half-my-age
Oingo Boingo songs
to the contrary). I don't know if I came by
this preference naturally or — my personal
theory — I first noticed girls when I was
15 or so, and since I didn't do anything about
it then, I' still hung up about 15-year-old
girls ... some 16 years later.
Which feeds into the image that the media loves
to project, that of the waifish, clingy teenage
girl as sex object. I kinda like it, then I
feel a little disgusted with myself for liking
So where's the line between “that's
just what you like” and “you've
been programmed by Big Media to like certain
rare types”. I currently
work around it by hiding from all relationships
and just enjoying the scenery, but...
 It's way too late for me to be able to spell
“palliative” correctly. Kill me now.
(Or just feed me more
Arrogant Bastard Ale,
and maybe I won't care anymore.)
 My theory is that the media will always promote
the outlier, more-rare body type as the beauty ideal.
This lets them make the rest of us feel less
attractive, thus getting us to buy gym memberships,
diet pills, different clothes, etc, etc. And I
think that this has been a constant throughout
history; when being fat was a status symbol (of
having enough to eat), that was the rare, more
desirable state; now that we have an embarassment
of riches (or, at least, rich food), the skinny
waif is the ideal.